Thank Goodness It's Not Malaria

It felt great to be home after six weeks on the road. We read the mail, watered the plants (or in some cases threw them out- sadly, not all my green friends made it through the bitter January cold), and unpacked our bags.

I took a little trip upstate, to catch up with family and friends. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Dan spent his time resting, writing, and figuring out the mail-forwarding in preparation for our extended trip to Hawaii the next week.

Somehow we didn't seem the worse for wear with all this traveling. Sure our Guatemala trip was a bit hectic, especially falling so closely on the heels of our month in New Zealand. But we weren't that worried: we knew we'd have plenty of time to relax once we got to Hawaii.

So when I checked in with Dan Saturday night, I was surprised to hear him say he might have the flu: he felt sweaty and mildly feverish and achy. But not to worry, he still had his appetite, and was heading to bed.

By the time I got home Sunday, Dan was miserable. He had a terrible time sleeping the night before, kept breaking out in sweats and shivers, and felt pretty crappy.

Immediately my medical wheels started turning. What could this be? Was it the flu? Or maybe he picked up some kind of parasite in Guatemala.

Or....oh no! Could it be malaria?? After all, Dan had stopped taking the "poison" pills I insisted we bring to the "tropics" once we discovered how temperate Xela really was. Still I did remember one or two mosquitoes buzzing around our heads at the Mayan ruins.....

I tried to picture what life would be like with a case of chronic malaria in the family: random, incapacitating bouts of sweaty, delirious misery. Forever. Yikes.

But it was late at night and no amount of thinking was going to help us understand this better- nor would it cure malaria, if that's what Dan had. So we each popped an aspirin, and went to bed.

The next morning Dan didn't feel any better. And now he had several spots on his forehead and chest. These weren't your ordinary pimples, though- they looked more like little blisters. I didn't remember anything about spots in a case of malaria.

But if it wasn't malaria, what kind of strange disease could it be? So we did what any normal person under 70 would do when faced with a serious health crisis: we Googled Dan's symptoms.

Thank goodness for the internet. After fifteen minutes I was positive Dan had either hand, foot and mouth disease, some kind of herpes infection, or a disease common to arid desert regions, called Valley Fever.

Or maybe, just maybe, it was chicken pox. Still confused, and in any case unable to treat this on our own, I called our primary care physician. Thankfully they were able to get us in right away.

Here's the conversation we had with the doctor that fateful morning, eight days after returning from Guatemala:

"It is most likely chicken pox- since you say you never had it. But it could be another kind of pox too."

"What do you mean? What other poxes are there?"

"Well, any animal can harbor a pox virus. There's cow pox, monkey pox....."

Really, I thought. Monkey pox. And I looked over to see Dan turn several lighter shades of pale.

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In turned out to be garden variety adult-onset chicken pox. By the time we knew what hit him it was too late for the antiviral meds, so he fought that bug the old-fashioned way: lying in bed shivering with sweat, loading up on pain medication, and scratching his way back to health. In Dan's own words, "It sucked."

Four weeks later, Dan is still getting his strength back. So a final word to the wise: if you've never had chicken pox, or aren't really sure if you have, do not pass go- I highly recommend you GET VACCINATED. I wouldn't wish this damn bug on my worst enemy.